If you ask any woman about dating advice you’re going to hear two things…just be yourself and be confident. We’ve all heard it a million times and you’re likely to hear it a million more.
The thing is that they aren’t completely wrong. You should be striving to be your BEST self but the confidence part is somewhat ill-defined. How do you just BE confident?
Confidence in dating
Confidence is one of those words that seemingly has a different definition for everyone you ask. Some say self-esteem (incorrectly, because that’s something else entirely) and to others, it’s belief in one’s self (close, but not exactly it). There are a million definitions like asking someone “What is love?”. What is confidence? It’s the belief you can accomplish something because of prior successes.
That begs the question…
“If I haven’t had success with women how can I be confident?”
The answer I give you may be somewhat surprising… you can’t.
You can’t be confident in yourself if you’ve had little to no success.
That’s like saying “I can take Lebron James one-on-one!” when you never even made the JV squad back in high school. This sounds like a downer and at minimum a negative mindset because you should believe in yourself, right? Yes, you absolutely should…
If you don’t have confidence in dating there is one thing you can have…
Competence!
Think of it like this…
Imagine you’re on an airplane going to Hawaii (I mean, why not? You’re a high value guy) and you’re in the middle seat. Next to you is sitting a normal-looking guy who says he has business there. Unbeknownst to you, the pilot has a heart attack and tragically dies mid-flight. The word gets out and everyone is terrified! You’re flying over the Pacific ocean with no pilot, this is certainly a recipe for disaster!
But wait! The businessman sitting next to you jumps up! He announces to everyone “Don’t worry! I’ve seen Top Gun 25 times! I’ve got this!” He runs to the front of the plane and jumps behind the instrument panel and takes control. What do you think is going to happen?
I’ll tell you… you’re all dead.
Here’s another scenario…
The pilot dies and sitting next to him is a brand new and fresh out of flight school co-pilot. He’s never flown a passenger plane full of people and certainly never under this kind of duress. However, he’s flown empty planes, had flight simulator training and a ton of book knowledge.
He’s not the most confident in himself but he has confidence in his training. He takes over the controls and what do you think will happen?
Everyone arrives safely and has a great time in paradise.
The businessman had all the confidence in the world but he didn’t have competence. However, the co-pilot lacked confidence but he had a gang of compliance, give me the co-pilot all day long. What’s even better is now the co-pilot has confidence now too since he went through a stressful situation and got everyone there safely.
This is the moral of the story. If you don’t have confidence, then work on having competence and with that, you’ll likely have both.
Get with guys that know a thing or two about dating and relationships. Don’t be too prideful to ask questions or find a mentor or dating coach that can help you and trust me when I say… you can have the best of both worlds, competence, AND confidence!
Once you’ve created positive momentum in learning how to be more social, exhibit attractive qualities, and become a better communicator as you interact with women, it’s only a matter of internalizing the things you’re learning.
And trust me, internalizing these attractive behaviors, going out, socializing, and taking action on solid advice is the real key to becoming naturally confident in dating beautiful women. I’ve seen it time and time again with the guys that I work with.
Yes, it may take time, but anything worthwhile usually does. They say that the way to success is to be patient with your results but relentless with your efforts.
Everyone learns at their own pace and as you stack up your successes on top of each other you’ll slowly build up confidence in yourself
And unlike what most “motivational speakers” out there would give you, which is a short-term adrenaline rush and some cheesy cliche, the confidence you’ll get out of accumulating wins over time would be grounded in reality, no one can take that from you.
Dale took massive action as he learned from all the gurus and ideas in this area of attraction and seduction piecing together his own blueprint by putting everything under the microscope, keeping what works, and discarding what doesn’t.
With more than a decade put into the game, having had tremendous success with some of the most beautiful women, Dale went on to start teaching men how he did it, how anyone committed to success in this area can do it without going to the lengths he’d gone through. He started Modern Valor Dating with a mission to help guys become their best selves to attract the best women.
- 5 Attraction Triggers That Make You Irresistible To Women - July 31, 2021
- The Secret To Having Real Confidence In Dating Beautiful Women - June 29, 2021