Looking back on my relationship with a cheating girlfriend, I question how and why I allowed it to last as long as it did?
My ex-girlfriend was a habitual cheater, liar, and drug dealer. Although I had control over my life, I never realized how weak I was until my heart was destroyed and rebuilt, over and over.
I know that I’m not the only guy out there who’s been through a toxic relationship, but I did feel isolated, helpless, and embarrassed. When I finally had the courage to end the relationship (for the last time), I vowed never to allow anyone to treat me that way again.
Online Dating
Throughout the years I have tried all sorts of online dating applications. As a result, I went on numerous blind dates had a few short-term relationships, and even made a few good friends through dating apps. It was actually a lot of fun getting to know people through my PC and smartphone.
I had been using the Plenty of Fish (POF) dating app for a few months and had some mediocre success meeting people. One late spring afternoon, I received a message from a blonde-haired, blue-eyed woman, who appeared to have her act together.
The Concert
Two weeks prior to receiving the message from the blonde, I had just got back from a date in Pittsburgh, that went pretty horribly.
That same week I had tickets to see The Kooks and Joywave, so I decided to take one of the other ladies I was talking to. We went to the concert and about an hour later she left to use the restroom and never came back.
Later that night she texted me saying that she wasn’t really into the concert, plus she was interested in another guy. What the hell? Why would she even waste her time with me? So weird.
The Peace Corps? Seriously?
A couple of days later I received a message from someone I met on Tinder who wanted to meet up. We had dinner in a park and our conversation and chemistry were amazing.
The next day I received a call from her and she told me what a great time she had, but she won’t be able to pursue anything more because she joined the Peace Corps and was leaving the country. That was probably the lamest excuse I’ve ever heard. As you could imagine, I was feeling pretty defeated and questioning what was wrong with me to cause the past three dates to fail so miserably?
Finding Something Meaningful
That message I received from the blonde on POF came at a time when I was feeling really shitty. Of course, I was a bit hesitant to respond and even more hesitant when she seemed so interested in me. Nonetheless, I decided to let my guard down, and in turn, this woman built me up by complimenting me on how smart and good-looking I am.
She made me feel good about myself and it was exactly what I needed. On top of that, she was always giving me little gifts. It was pretty refreshing to have someone so into me.
The relationship quickly progressed and before I knew it we were living together. I thought that I had finally found something meaningful. Little did I know this woman would end up turning my world upside down, and not in a good way.
The Beginning of the End
In November 2015, my new girlfriend said that she was going on a girls’ trip with her mom. I later learned that the girls’ trip was actually a way to meet up with a guy she was dating behind my back.
She had left her email open and I happened to see several messages passed between her and another man. Apparently, she had a relationship with a married man for several years before she met me and never ended it.
I confronted her about the cheating and she repeatedly lied, until I told her about the emails that I found. She then fessed up to cheating and promised that it would end. I was trusting and was willing to give her another chance. We made it through the holidays and as far as I knew, everything was good.
The Cheating Continues
In March the following year, I saw a text message from “her dad”, that had some very inappropriate context on her work cell phone. She was continuing to have the affair with the same married guy and she tried hiding the phone number under her dad’s contact info.
Again, I confronted her, and at first, she lied and tried turning it around on me, saying that I was stupid. And tried to convince me that it was truly her dad she was texting. I told her to call the number in front of me and of course, at that point, she broke down and confessed to the cheating. She cried and again claimed that it would never happen again.
She said that she wanted to prove to me that it was over, by sending the guy an email ending the affair, changing her phone number, and giving me access to her phone.
I accepted her terms and again forgave her. I thought that maybe she really wants this relationship to work.
Ending the Nightmare
On Christmas Day 2016, I again learned that she was continuing to talk to the married guy! She reached out to him and apparently gave him her new number! Enough was enough with the lies and cheating and I told her that the relationship is over. As she cried she begged me to keep the relationship going, but I had reached my breaking point.
I stayed firm and gave her 30 days to get her stuff together and to get out. She called me a fucking asshole and caught me off guard with two quick jabs to the side of my head (like the emotional abuse wasn’t enough).
On February 1st, 2017, she moved out just as quickly as she moved in. The nightmare was finally over.
A New Nightmare
In May of 2017, I received a message from my now ex-girlfriend saying that she missed me and wanted to know if I would be willing to talk to her. She gave me an apology and wanted to tell me about her borderline personality disorder as well as bipolar disorder. She said that she was on medication and going to therapy and that she was a completely different person. We continued to talk and the relationship slowly started up again.
Supplemental Income
In the same month we started talking, she told me about how she’s supplementing her income by visiting a pain management doctor in Virginia.
Each visit she received a month’s supply of opioids. She would then, in turn, give them to her mom to sell and would receive over a thousand bucks each month. She said that I should do it too and all I needed was an MRI. Of course, I told her no fucking way!
In addition to the selling of opioids, I learned that she had a problem with shoplifting. I learned that all of the gifts that she gave me over the years were actually merchandise that she had stolen from department stores.
The Subpoena
In September as my girlfriend was leaving for work she was stopped by two men who identified themselves as D.E.A. agents and served her with a subpoena. She needed to give a sworn statement before a federal grand jury in relation to the pain doctor prescribing the opioids. Seriously, how could this relationship be any more toxic? However, I agreed to drive her to Virginia the following week so she could give her testimony.
Liar, Liar…
On the drive back home she looked at me and told me that she messed up. She said that she lied to the attorney when he started asking questions about her receiving the medication to give to her mom to sell. I tried to get more information from her, but she never would say anything else.
Based on her legal situation and the probability of her going to prison, we decided that it might be best that she move back in with me. That was a huge mistake.
The Phone Call
Just after lunch, I received a call from her cell phone. It was a man who identified himself as a U.S. Marshall and they had my girlfriend in their custody. I called my friend who’s a defense attorney to find out what I needed to do. She read the report and asked if I knew why she was arrested. I said that I’m sure that they figured out that she was selling drugs. My friend told me that there was more to it than that.
More Cheating
After receiving a copy of the report, I learned that my girlfriend was cheating on me yet again! But this time it was with a different guy. Apparently, she started a relationship with the male receptionist at the pain clinic. She had been sleeping with him when she would drive down to pick up her drugs.
The report stated that she had been texting him about what she needed to say to the doctor to get more pills. Little did she know that he was working as an informant for the D.E.A.
Plea Bargain, Conviction, and Sentencing
With the help and recommendation from a friend, I was able to find her a local attorney who could also practice in Virginia. He was able to get her released from the county jail. After several weeks of driving back and forth to Virginia for multiple meetings with the U.S. Attorney, U.S. Marshalls, and court appearances, she finally agreed to enter a guilty plea for perjury. In exchange, they would remove the drug trafficking charges.
In March 2018, my girlfriend was convicted of perjury before a federal grand jury. Her sentence was five months in federal prison with two years’ probation. It was a relatively light sentence considering the circumstances.
Moving On
After her surrender to federal prison, I packed up all of her belongings and put them into storage. I was done. Soon after her surrender to prison, I started a new relationship, sold my house, and ironically moved to Virginia. This painful chapter of my life was finally over.
Final Thoughts
It’s funny how karma works. Throughout the relationship, I stayed honest, true, and always strived to be the best version of myself. I gave my cheating girlfriend more chances to make things better than anyone ever deserved.
After years of cheating, lying, stealing, and just being an overall horrible person, the consequences of her decisions finally caught up with her.
Every experience in my life has led me to something better and put me where I need to be. Although my relationship with riddled with heartache and pain, had it not happened, I would have never found my true love or have my perfect little boy.